Sadly, I think this will be the last year I’ll have a Best Words list as my littlest is growing and his speech is getting better every day. In the meantime, however, here are the Best Words of 2010 — my favorite mispronunciations, misinterpretations, and just plain amusing figures of speech, courtesy of my two-year-old.
Archive for December, 2010
Most of the time, when you see something advertised on television as being amazing, incredible, or some other superlative, chances are it’s cheaply made and doesn’t work anywhere near as well as they’d have you believe, if it even works at all. Every once in a great while, however, a product comes along that you just know is every bit as clever as they make it seem on telly. I suspect the Gyro Bowl is one of those rare creatures.
Here’s something you don’t see every day — a British couple has discovered that not only are they aunt and uncle but that they are also the grandparents of the same children. Lynn and Charles Lowden learned that Lynn’s sister’s children were actually her own son’s offspring. Now, before you start calling Jerry Springer, it’s not as bad as it might sound at first.
Whether you love or hate former Vice President Dick Cheney’s previous employer Halliburton, you would likely agree that a company that has profited so much from federal government contracts ought to, at the very least, follow federal law in return. According to one former employee, however, that is not the case. Lynda Darden, of Dallas Texas, was fired last year for having “violated the company’s policy against procreation.”
Someone I know is getting a divorce. I suspect that most of us, these days, can make that claim most of the time. The percentage of marriages that end in divorce within 10 years ranges from about 1 in 4 to almost half, depending on the age of the bride. There are many reasons why couples split — abuse, dishonesty, and infidelity are common — but I’m not so interested in whether or not a particular reason is valid or sufficient. I’m more interested in why those reasons exist in the first place, especially when there are kids involved.
Did your kids make you a holiday card? Did they perhaps make cards for their best friends too? If they were really industrious, they might have made one for each of their classmates. No matter what, however, if Stephen Goodman reaches his goal, your kids will look like real slackers in comparison. His plan is to send a holiday card to members of the U.S. Military actively deployed overseas. All of them.
Sure, this time of year, everyone goes on and on about The Christmas Story and “you’ll shoot your eye out”, but I’m not sure that younger kids really get that movie. Die Hard and Lethal Weapon are far too violent and The Ref, while one of my favorite holiday films, is certainly not suitable for kids unless you want them to be able to hold their own with Uncle “Foul-Mouth” Phil. So what are good movies for kids this time of year? Here are the ones I came up with:
Did you know that you’re not supposed to smoke marijuana while pregnant? I didn’t. My wife didn’t. No one told us during any of our three pregnancies. Not that it was an issue; neither of us uses marijuana. Still, given its prevalence and acceptance in California in general and the Bay Area in particular, I’m surprised it wasn’t part of the classes we took and that my wife’s doctors never mentioned it. Sadly, we’re not the only ones who didn’t know.
Many years ago, before I had kids of my own, I used to take my niece, then about 6 or 7 years old, Christmas shopping. I gave her a modest budget and let her pick out gifts for her brother, her parents and grandparents, and my wife. We’d get half a dozen presents and spend about twenty dollars or so. Fast forward about ten years and she’s quite capable of doing her own holiday shopping.